Vintage Recipes – Page 6 – nachounderpants.com (2024)

I think I’ve figured out that anytime they use the word “Crown” in a vintage recipe, it’s code for “Disgusting.” (See previous entry on the Frankfurter Crown.)

This time we have the lovely Crown Roast Dinner from my old favorite 1953 Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook. A better name for this would be Glistening Crown of Spam because, yes, that is 4 blocks of Spam making up the crown. And not just any old Spam – oh no! This is Spam that has been glazed with Orange Marmalade and baked for glistening goodness! Then, you arrange the crown around some boiled canned potatoes, frozen asparagus, mayonnaise (of course), canned pineapples and strawberries! Now there’s an interesting combination.

I don’t understand the fascination with canned and frozen products in the 50s. Did they not have anything fresh? Or was it just the ease of preperation for the Happy Housewife, zoned out on dexies all day, needing something quick and easy to satisfy her hungry man when he gets home? In any case, I can’t imagine that this would taste good – even if you did have a couple martinis beforehand.

I think I have found the creme de la creme of the vintage recipes. How can I ever find one to top this one in both repulsivesness and straight out scariness?

The centerpiece of this lovely appetizer spread in my 1953 Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook is a Liver Sausage Pineapple. Yes, it is one pound of liver sausage with lemon juice, worcestershire sauce and mayonnaise shaped like a pineapple. The lovely yellow coating on the outside is made out of unflavored gelatin and mayonnaise. You “frost it” with the jello mayo, score it, and stick little olive slices all over it. The recipe says to top “with a real pineapple top for fun!” They also helpfully mention that you should serve hot coffee with this whole spread! Nothing goes better with liver sausage and deviled eggs than a boiling cup of hot coffee! Mmmm mmmm!

Frankly, I am speechless with this one. I guess since it is 1953 and Hawaii statehood was a hot topic, maybe this is a special way of honoring the territory (and maybe tipped the scales to accept statehood?) All I know is this has to taste like a can of Alpo with olive bits.

Ahhh, yes – the regal Frankfurter Crown! Passed down from generations of Disgusting Casseroles! What, you may ask, is that creamy white center made out of? How about cream of chicken soup, green beans, bacon, milk, potatoes and onion? Our helpful friends at the Casserole Card Company suggest the perfect menu including the Frankfurter Crown:

Frankfurter Crown
Cole Slaw
Rhubarb Pie

Mmmmmmm…. Perfect for a baby shower!

This is one of my all-time favorite vintage recipes that I have never made. It always intrigues me – not only because of how incredibly unhealthy it is – but because in many Better Crocker Picture Cookbook editions (the undisputed Queen of the old cookbooks in my opinion) include this recipe with the following ditty:

“Mr James Ford Bell, founder of General Mills, world-traveler and epicure, made this dish himself in our test kitchen!”

Now, maybe I sound like a food snob here, but I hardly would drag this recipe out of my repertoire if I was a self-proclaimed “world traveler” and “epicure.” But then again, this is from 1961. I’m sorry there is no picture for this one. I promise to make it one day and take a photo just so we can all see what it looks like. I have to admit, it sounds kind of good!

LUMBERJACK MACARONI

Hot Boiled Macaroni (8 oz uncooked)
2 Cups Grated Cheddar Cheese
5 Tbsp. Worcestershire Sauce
1/4 C. Chili Sauce
Salt and Pepper
3/4 C. Piping Hot Melted Butter

Spread Macaroni out on large hot platter. Sprinkle with cheese, Worcestershire sauce, chili sauce, salt and pepper. Pour hot meleted butter over all. Mix with two forks until sauce is creamy. Serve at once on hot plates. Serves 6.

I am so glad that they didn’t care about Nutritional Information back then – I can’t even imagine the fat and calories in this dish. Also, when did we stop calling it “macaroni” and start calling it “pasta?” I like macaroni better.

If someone makes this, please let me know how it is!

More yummy “molded” salads from my friends at the Recipe Institute. In honor of Spring I give you the Molded Spring Vegetable Salad. Clear gelatin, vinegar, radishes, cucumber and scallions snuggled on a soft bed of salad greens – it doesn’t sound so bad, does it? Oh – wait… what’s that sauce in the middle? Oh, it’s mayonnaise! So, I guess you slice off yourself a hunk of this Ode to Springtime and dollop a bunch of mayonnaise on top! Mmmmmm…

They also have a variation where you add cabbage and canned peas. Nothing represents Nature’s springtime bounty to me like canned peas.

Hey! It’s 1970 and it’s Saturday night! What should we do?

I know! Let’s make this groovy party casserole! It’s got white bread, swiss cheese, cheddar cheese, tomato slices, milk, mustard and worcestershire sauce!

Far out, man. That McCall’s magazine really knows where it’s at!

“Happy birthday, Little Jimmy!”

“Is that my cake?”

“No – that’s a sandwich loaf made with salmon, ham, chipped beef, olives, hard boiled eggs and walnuts!”

“Ugh. Why is it blue?”

“Because blue is the color of freedom, Jimmy. We’re not communists!”

Courtesy of the Curtin Recipe Card Company, 1973.

For those of you looking for more of these bizzare gems, please click here.

I will pay the first person who correctly identifies this meat $20. You must be specific. I must go and barf.

Courtesy, again, of my friends at A Picture Treasury of Good Cooking, 1953.

Okay, seriously – what was up with the fascination of suspending meat products (and anything else, basically) inside a clear gelatin prison? I swear, in all my cookbooks from the 50s and 60s there are numerous recipes as disgusting as this one with such odd ingredients as fruit and olives (mixed together), smoked fish, asparagus, hard boiled eggs, and even a very special Ham Mousse that my cookbook touts as “Perfect for the Holidays!”

This gem is from my 1964 Betty Crocker Cooking for Two Cookbook is creatively called Jellied Chicken. It’s basically flavorless Jell-O with chunks of fatty chicken, olives, celery, chicken broth and lemon juice. The recipe helpfully notes that veal, lamb or beef can be substituted for the chicken. So pretty much anything can be prepared in this hellacious manner. Just add Dwight’s stapler and it could be Jim’s contribution to the Dunder Mifflin Food Day.

As a side note: I asked my mother-in-law, who is 75, about this strange gelatin fascination and she couldn’t recall every having any of it. Was it a conspiracy from the Jell-O corporation to mandate these awful recipes be put in all the books as to feign popularity? Or is it just so disgusting that everyone from this era has blocked it out?

To me, Jell-O is really only good for one thing and one thing only – Jell-O Shots.

Like I have mentioned before, I collect old cookbooks. I especially love the ones from the late 50s – early 60s, that time where it seemed that everything was so Stepford-y. I think I was born too late – I would give anything to be about 14 in 1965. Too bad I was born in 1968. Well, at least I can say that I was alive in the 60s.

I dragged out some of my old cookbooks and have found some interesting things. I have been busy working on a big project (gasp) so I haven’t has as much time to post as before. But, I figure that I could post some small stuff each day to take a little break from the world of voice application software. (Zzzzzzzzzzz)

Okay – what the hell is up with that disgusting piece of meat? This beautiful photograph is from my treasured A Picture Treasury of Good Cooking circa 1953. It’s a “Tested Recipe Institute Cookbook” – so you know it’s good. This is the recipe for Broiled Steak and it explains how the steak should be crisp on the outside, yet raw on the inside. I remember when I was little that I used to get yelled at for not eating my fat. Luckily if my Uncle was there he’d always want my fat and I’d happily oblige.

I think I may throw up.